Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Feeling Lost

As I sit here thinking about everything... I came to the conclusion that from here on out I am just going to be me. Not the new me, but the old me, the me I recognize. I don't want to be somebody that I am not. I'm not "crazy," clingy, sad, unhappy, worried, or any of those kinds of negative things. I am happy, funny, loving, fun to be around- an all around good person. While it is taking time to return to "me," I am finding comfort in the fact that I am returning. 

This year has been a very rough year. I lost what for some reason I believe is the love of my life, my Guinea Pig, schools been rough... all sorts of things. I could live without so much just to have him by my side like he used to be... I could be in the crappiest situation imaginable and I would still be happy because he was by my side. I just pray so hard that time will work things out for us... I so desperately want to show him that I am still the me he fell in love with, I just got lost along the way. That's the thing with growing up- we experience things that change us. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Either way, changes are inevitable. I just pray so bad that I don't lose him for good because of my bad changes. I will be the me I once was, it'll just take time. 

Another thing... I am so unbelievably happy now that I am back for good. I just hope that I can stay. For the first time in four years, it's not me or my family that has any say in where I will be. :( I wish I would have stood up for love when I had the chance. I really hope it is not too late. 

Until then...
All I can do is work on me and keep the faith that things will work out. 

Saturday, December 13, 2014

The heartbreak continues

I've been fine for a while but now my strength is starting to wear me out... I am trying so hard to be the person that I was before, but it's hard when I have no idea what's happening. Things would be so much better if I could just hear those words that we can try to work things out... All I hear is "maybe" when I ask if there's a chance we can get back together. I am tired of failing at trying to take the high road through all of this. It breaks my heart that someday, I may not be at this place with the person that I love (even if he currently does not love me). What I would give for one last chance... I really am capable of being the person that I used to be :'(. 

Things have been going better, so that's what I don't understand.