Sunday, October 19, 2014

All I do is mess up

I am devastated... All the progress I made toward fixing things was thrown out the window due to a moment of insanity. I wish so bad I could take back what I have done... It kills me inside that I did that. I wish he knew how sorry I really am and that I mean it that I truly am done screwing up. He's my best friend and what I feel like is the love of my life. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but he really is special. He stuck with me through so much and throughout it all he was always so friendly and knew how make me feel special, even if he didn't realize it.

I wish so bad I could go back to when these problems started happening and fix them so we could avoid what is happening now. I have so much to offer him but may never have the chance because I screw up. Every night when I go to bed, I go to bed smiling because I am laying next to my best friend and guy whom I love. It's so hard going through this knowing that he doesn't love me anymore and that in an instant, this could all be over. My heart tells me that if I stop pushing and give him time, that everything will be okay. That we will be back to how we used to be, only stronger now that I figured out my flaws and am actively fixing them. It's so hard to be patient because what if my heart is lying to me? :(

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