What I'd give for one more chance...

This may sound cliche` but I would give ANYTHING for that chance to fix what went wrong...

The Heartbreak continues.

Once again i've hit a hard spot in my life... As I was finally committed to living in Wisconsin, it is becoming pretty clear that it would be a tough decision to make... I mean, the only reason I wanted to be in Wisconsin was because of my now ex-boyfriend. It's hard to explain really. I wanted to be down here so bad, I am willing to give up a lot. Now, it's becoming increasingly clear that I am not welcome here, despite the fact we were in a relationship for almost 4 years....4 years on Sunday... It is devastating that instead of celebrating our time together, now it's just a matter of making it another day. Why must I always make my decision when it's too late? I loved him with all my heart and I managed to screw that up :'(.

Nothing worse than heartbreak

My heart feels as if it was just ripped out of my chest and stomped on... I feel like I can hardly breathe. It takes all of my power not to cry, and even so, I find myself crying virtually all the time. He was the best thing in my life and somehow I messed that up. A day doesn't go by where I don't kick myself for being so dumb. I would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to go back in time and fix the mistakes that now stand out like sore thumbs. I worked on myself, I am making progress and that is not good enough.

I lost my best friend and boyfriend in one day and it kills me inside. I know time heals all wounds but honestly, I don't see this wound ever healing. I screwed up by acting crazy during my darkest hour and that drove him away. That and the distance that plagued our relationship for a better chunk of time. I really miss my best friend, but what hurts is he doesn't miss me...

</3 heartbroken forever.

Feeling rejected

Ever have those rough patches where everything seems to be slipping away? I have been feeling that a lot lately... It's sad that all I want is to be loved back.

It's my way or the highway

Ever have people give you an ultimatum where it's pretty much their way or the highway? I seem to be facing that a lot these days. It's getting to the point where I don't know what to do. No matter what I do, I seem to disappoint somebody. It's coming to the point where I feel like I am going to lose love or my family. Will there ever be a time where I won't be disappointing everybody?

Life is what you make of it

Today is a new day! With that of course comes new challenges. Even though it can be quite difficult, it is important to overcome those challenges. One thing that completely amazes me is how people are always telling me that I only think about myself. If i only thought about myself, I can guarantee that I would not be doing the things that I do-cleaning the house when people are too tired, cooking everyone nice meals when they are too tired, stuff like that. I am always doing for other people, yet somehow, that gets completely overlooked by some. Why? I wonder. It kind of stinks when people automatically assume, when they do not even know the whole story. 

Anyways, it is important to remember to rise above those challenges that try to break you down. While it may not seem like it, life won't always be a struggle. Life is what you make it. Which is why I am done letting myself fall between the cracks. I am going to work harder than I have ever worked before, to pursue my dreams. I am turning 22 in a little over than a month, so now is the time I shine. I am done putting myself after everyone else. I am going to work hard in school and get the degree I have always dreamed of. Life is what you make of it, and that is what I am going to live by.  

Life's Mess

Now summer 2014 is halfway over and I sit and wonder... Am I happy with the way things are going? The answer is no. I have that feeling that I am getting nowhere in life and it honestly makes me sad. I should be getting ready to graduate next year, but I am nowhere close because I am stuck in this never ending circle of a mess. I look around and all I see is mess. I can't help but wonder, is this what my entire life is going to be like? Hopefully the answer is no, because I honestly do have hopes and dreams.